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This article was submitted by Jocelyn Tang, a senior at Cornell University in Ithaca, NY., where she is majoring in Applied Economics and Management. She is the daughter of Xiao Juan Huang. 

In Chinese culture, as in many other cultures, it has been a man’s world. Confucian ideas of filial piety focused the father as the leader of the family. The father and sons take prominence over the mother and daughters. Men governed the outer world, while women governed the home.

Much has changed for women in the past century. Still men are generally dominant in politics, business and academics.  More men study science, mathematics, and technology in order to become successful doctors, mathematicians and engineers. 

Most Chinese women, as a result, were severely overlooked in terms of their academics and futures, their primary roles limited to being wives and mothers. That was the idea that prevailed way before my time, when women neglected their daughters to devote all their attention to their sons and were rarely seen working outside the home, let alone receiving equal pay. In my interview with my mom, Xiao Juan Huang, it turned out that these unreasonable beliefs were past my mother’s time as well. She offered her own perspective on the theme of motherhood, shaped by her core values and family influences.

A brilliant, resilient woman, my mother endured the limitations of the Chinese educational system and aspired for greater opportunities for herself and her future family. She didn’t have access to education in her home village, Gom Benn. So when she became a teenager, she was sent off to Zhenjiang (a city in northern Guangdong Province) to attend a thriving elementary school under the supervision of her grandfather, who was the principal. 

Beginning in the late 1970s she had to endure the challenges of living away from her parents and adapting to the provincial Chinese language called Cantonese. Despite the hardships, my mother reflected on her early education with immense gratitude: “I was so lucky to go, though, along with your uncle. My older sister never got the chance, because she was born at a different time and already had to work. It made it easier for me to go to college. And you know, from my region only three percent went to college.” 

My mom attended Jinan University in Guangzhou, studying the Chinese language. She received a Gom Benn scholarship during each semester in college. Acknowledging her good fortune, my mother made it clear that education was a luxury that was never taken for granted, as it opened her world to new opportunities. 

With a college degree, my mother grew up in a much different generation than my grandmother. She could explore a variety of careers. She didn’t have to follow the sole path of getting married and taking care of her children and home. But once she met my father after high school, however, she knew she would eventually follow in her mother’s footsteps, ultimately becoming a devoted wife and mother. 

But my mom has always been a hard working mother, at home and professionally. After college, she worked in Shenzhen as a secretary. Later she became a city employee working at the retirement department. My mom never gave up working even though she got married and had children.

My mother grew up with a positive perception of motherhood, as adults instilled in her the necessity and benefits of having children. Her own mother had always exemplified this  in how she raised her family, as she had faithfully tended to her three children through sleepless nights and sometimes much frustration. However, my mother fixated on the prospects of motherhood not because of societal pressures or family traditions, but because of her convictions in the irreplaceable feelings of joy associated with bearing children. Her actions resulted from her personal desire of building her own family, a goal that reaped bountiful satisfaction. 

To her, motherhood revolved around love and responsibility. “Being a mother… means extending my life,” she said. “And I really enjoy it. After I had kids, I felt that I had a new future. Before I didn’t have one. Or it didn’t feel like it, ” she laughed. My mother believed that having children was the appropriate next step for her, and she felt great pride and happiness in her role as a mother. She discovered her immense strength to protect her loved ones, as she adapted to taking care of her kids. 

I was a little surprised by my mother’s determination to have her own family. I had always believed that being a mother was something that was expected in her generation, but hearing her describe how she wanted to be a mother for her own sake helps me to view motherhood from a new perspective. 

For instance, she discovered the necessity of eating quickly in order to tend to her children during family meals. Previously a deep sleeper, she hadn’t even stirred when her uncle was rushed to the emergency room following an accident. But as a mother she learned to immediately wake from a baby’s wail or touch. This was especially the case with my older brother, who had to be fed through the night until he was three-years-old. I listened to these accounts with astonishment, stating that it must have been a burden. In response, my mother said, “Burden or not, it was all worthwhile. Becoming a mother makes you stronger. You think that… anything is possible.” Despite the numerous difficulties that come with motherhood, my mom managed to paint it in a positive light. As a mother, she felt a tremendous dedication to supporting her family, and her education taught her to be open-minded and strong-willed amid her duties as a wife and mother.

Interviewing my mother showed me the complexities of motherhood that I might not have otherwise seen. Being a mother means sleepless nights, irregular eating habits, and long-term responsibilities. But it also means stronger relationships, compassion, and greater strength. 

Motherhood doesn’t reflect the vulnerability of women who may be pressured to listen to what society wants. On the contrary, motherhood can represent the power of women to push through challenges to shape their chosen future. From my mother’s story, I recognize that we are past the restrictive gender roles that force women to become mothers. Having children is a choice stemming from personal desires. As a woman, I feel more secure knowing that I have the liberty to lead a life guided by my principles. Whether or not I choose to be a mother, I will have the strength and drive to follow my dreams.